Wi-Fi hotspots
The idea of being able to hook up your
smartphone, tablet or laptop to a public Wi-Fi connection sounds good in
theory. Not only does it save you eating into your data tariff if you have one,
but it should be faster as well. If only you didn’t have to jump backwards
through a hundred burning hoops of fire and do a somersault at the end just to
get connected. In some cases, you just need a password, but far too often
there’s some horrible menu system that you have to navigate, or you find that
you can’t actually get online because you’re not a customer of the company that
supplies the particular hotspot you’re trying to connect to.
Non-official console controllers
A
stock image of a gamepad, which does a pretty good job of illustrating a
rubbish controller
We’ve all been at a friend’s house, playing
four-player Bomberman or some other multiplayer title, and someone has
to have ‘the rubbish pad’, the one the host bought for a fiver from the local
market. Appreciating that console manufacturers like Sony, Microsoft and
Nintendo probably have endless patents, copyrights and pagan protection spells
on their controller designs, it makes sense that third-party alternatives won’t
be as good. That, however, is no excuse for the poorly constructed,
uncomfortable gamepad that some companies produce. Yes, they’re cheaper, but do
they really need to have a rock-hard d-pad, hideously loose analogue sticks and
buttons that are simply the wrong shape?
Netbooks
There’s a reason the popularity of netbooks
has waned: they simply aren’t very good. They’re underpowered, usually have
terrible screens, and the keyboards are way too small to be usable by anyone
except newborn babies. It’s true that they’re cheap, but so are cars without
engines, so make of that what you will. The only real advantage left is their
portability, but the fact is you’re still better off with a smartphone or a
tablet, both of which will work with a hardware keyboard, if that’s what you’re
after.
There’s
a reason the popularity of netbooks has waned: they simply aren’t very good.
Online or disc-only user manuals
The eco-warriors of this world won’t be
happy about me saying this, but when I pay hundreds of pounds for a new gadget
or component, I want a proper, paper user manual. I don’t want a PDF document (well,
I do, but not exclusively) that I can only read on a computer or tablet. I want
to be able to flick through real pages made out of trees using my thumbs and
quickly find the information I need, without having to zoom in or out with a
mouse or some weird pinching action. Yes, I know you can search for words or
even whole sentences in a PDF, but somehow a paper manual still seems to be
faster.
Auto-correct
A technology so ridiculously prone to
failing that it’s spawned its very own meme, bad auto-correct in smartphones
and tablets, is something we’ve all suffered. Texting your boss to say you’re
going to be ‘sending some things over later’? No, auto-correct knows better.
Surely, you mean you’re going to be ‘sending some thugs’ instead. Yes, that
makes far more sense. To be fair, most of the time, auto-correct works
perfectly well, but that’s little comfort when you’ve just texted your wife to
say you’re in a strip club rather than a squash club (especially if you really
are in a strip club).
Memes
One
day, you’ll tell your grandchildren “This is what PDFs used to be made of”
From cats flushing toilets to Star Wars
kid parodies and Rickrolling, the internet is awash with memes. Some we’ll
remember for years to come, while others will barely register in a month or
two. There’s undoubtedly a lot of creativity in some of them, and the communal
aspect, which sees thousands or even millions of people contributing to one
meme, is admirable. On the other hand, though, they’re also slightly annoying,
consisting as they do of lots of people just repeating a variation of the same
joke. Like people mimicking irritating catchphrases from bad sketch shows like Little
Britain, they’re demonstrate huge groups of people following each other
like sheep. And even though I quite like some memes, I simply cannot forgive
this phenomenon for the release of the One Pound Fish
song.
Touch-screen monitors
Apart from the fingerprint problem and the
lack of proper physical feedback, touch-screen technology is really pretty
useful. In phones and tablets, it makes flicking through photos and documents
on the move simple and quick. However, the key words there are ‘on the move’.
When you’re sat a foot away from your PC monitor, having to stretch your arms
over your desk (and, interestingly enough, your mouse and keyboard),
touch-screen technology becomes more of a hindrance than a help. It’s more
physically demanding than a mouse, your fingers get in the way to move back to
your keyboard to type anyway, unless you want to use a horrible on-screen
alternative (which you don’t).
With that, I’ll bring this admittedly
personal list of pet hates to a close. Hopefully, you’ll have identified with
at least a couple of the things within this article and perhaps, through
acknowledgment of this shared experience, we both can find some kind of peace.
Or, quite possible, the only thing you’ll take away from this is the melody to
the One Pound Fish song, which is probably now stuck in your head (sorry).
